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CNS Story:
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LOVE-STUDY (CORRECTED) Feb-7-2005 (xxx words) xxxn
Real love or romance? Catholic college students examine differences
By Carol Zimmermann
Catholic News Service
WASHINGTON (CNS) -- By the time students finish taking Santa Clara University's theology of marriage class, the professors are pretty sure these students will be able to tell the difference between romantic notions of love that are constantly thrown at them and the real thing.
"We break down the 'knight in shining armor' idea that there is one person just for you," said Frederick J. Parrella, a religious studies professor at the Jesuit-run university who has been teaching the popular marriage course, which constantly has a waiting list, for more than 15 years. "We're all made in God's image," the theologian stressed, adding that based on that idea, there is not necessarily one soul mate out there for everyone.
Finding the right person for a committed relationship involves meeting people, making the right decisions and not just going by feelings, which are bound to go away, he told Catholic News Service in a Feb. 4 telephone interview from Santa Clara, Calif.
One of the first assignments Parrella gives his students, who are primarily seniors, is to write about their deepest fears about relationships. Many of them say they are afraid to be alone or worried that they will choose a spouse too quickly while the person better suited for them remains at large.
In the span of the 10-week course, Parrella steers his students through the sometimes tricky love terrain by juxtaposing current books and movies that deal with love with deeper theological writings that delve into marriage as a sacrament and a reflection of God's love.
The students watch clips from popular movies that present romantic love, such as Disney films, or Oscar-winners such as "American Beauty" and "As Good as it Gets," and read "I and Thou," by the late Jewish scholar Martin Buber, and "The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts," by Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee.
Parrella points out that many people influenced by modern culture tend to idealize both the person they love and the whole notion of love.
To deflate some of this idealized romance, another professor who also teaches the class has his students finish their course work by doing a series of interviews with couples who have been married for at least 10 years.
After the students have had plenty of discussion about love on the big screen compared to a day-in-day-out commitment over the long haul, they are asked to test theories on these couples.
"I want them to go to the couple's house, sit on the couch with the cat hair, watch the kids run around. Be right there in the middle of the chaos," said religious studies professor Robert Brancatelli. "I want them to get a taste of that reality."
After conducting the interviews, the students write a 20-page report.
Parrella does not have his students interview the whole family because he feels they can draw enough background material, both good and bad, from their own experiences of growing up in a family.
He said his students are "remarkably savvy and aware" and sometimes will bring up examples from their own families, pointing out, for example, that their parents are divorced and wondering how they can avoid falling into that same pattern.
Over the 40 years the course has been offered at the university, Parrella said, it has evolved, particularly with different reading materials.
But one thing that has been a constant is the notion of committed love. He hopes his students leave the course with a deeper sense of what that is.
"It's not something you get after you go to school, after you get a job," he said. "It's with you since the beginning. It grows with you. We can either grow with it, or reject it."
END
Copyright (c) 2005 Catholic News Service/USCCB. All rights reserved.
This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed.
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